by Etse Sikanku
If ever there was anything about women that amazed me, it was this: they have learned not to say yes the first time they are asked out—even if they’re interested—and won’t say no even if they’re not. Those in my alma mater-the University of Ghana-were so good at doing this whole merry-go-round thing that if you weren’t Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps, you were likely to rot on the bachelor’s bench. Those girls.
The past spring break offered me a chance to hang out with friends and catch up with stuff. Soon we were talking about a friend’s cousin who was unsure about whether to play hard to get or not. While some advised her to hold out, others disagreed. One guy said he enjoyed the “thrill of the game”. Lily Paemka a graduate student in Genetics said women don’t normally want to make rush decisions. Another said “that shows that you’re not cheap, you mean business and so they can’t joke with you.” But the real shocker came when someone said: “It’s just fun.” Holy cow.
Yet still another lady confessed: “I don’t think it pays to play that game. I did it twice and regretted it.” Godwin Agboka agrees and says that “I don’t think it makes sense but this is a complex issue. Women want to be sure.” Kwaku Duah Yentumi says due to high break up rates, ladies often want some time to study the guy. For Hilary Afesh Ngwa “It is one of the dumbest things. If any lady wants to be sure, let her pray…” There was also this no nonsense guy who said “If I approach a girl and she begins to drag her feet, I say to hell with her and move on.”
Across board, there was an agreement that the issue might be cultural. Take most western girls for instance. Those ladies (generally) don’t like delay tactics at all. In fact when they find out they like someone they say exactly so. No games, no tricks, no long-winding tales. They know exactly what they want and they go in for it.
Indeed some might say that men are not stupid, they know the game and they will play it. Sometimes I wish someone would quietly announce to our women folk that: “Look, we know what you’re doing. We know how you think playing hard satisfies your ego, gets you some attention and assures you that you’re not cheap. So stop the games and be real”
Once upon a time I liked a certain girl. Let’s call her Paulina Kankam. She wasn’t the type of girl who will make your manhood stand out rightly. Nevertheless she was blessed with some striking contours and ridges. Paulina Kankam was a gracious girl. But Ms Kankam was a tough nut, mind you. Despite my efforts, she wouldn’t budge. In time she just pushed it too much and eventually everything ended.
Couple of years down the road, another chap (let’s call him Obiba Babone) came along and was willing to go the long haul. In fact he was an experienced dude who secretly bragged about how he had “enough love to share”. When Obiba Babone says he wants a girl, he gets her. So he played along with Paulina for almost two years, dispatched a few seeds down the tube-when she finally cozened up-and disappeared immediately they fertilized. What a pity.
If you ask me, I’ll say it is good for women to be sure of their future partners. After all they’re going to share the rest of their lives with them so they’d rather be darn sure. But to tamper such an important decision with pretense is simply improper.
Are our dear ladies trying to tell us perseverance (and not love) is the test of a true relationship?
I believe both parties should be sincere and truthful about their intentions and responses because like anything else in life, honesty (and not strategy) is the best policy.
It's a world of opinion folks, what do you think? is dating the same in your culture/country?
